March 11, 2021
You can tell we’re getting back to normal. While walking in from the forest I took note of my front yard. It’s not colorful, magazine cover groomed. I’ve not had the time. No lockdown time to make all that’s wrong a tad bit closer to being acceptable. Getting back to normal. Had dinner with my wife outside on the porch last night. Just like we did every afternoon and evening during the big shutdown. Always together. It just felt good to be in a moment without careers getting in the way. But it’s all changed. Getting back to normal. It’s one big giant blank page. We’ve never stopped asking about how long we’re supposed to be in front of it. Is it a question for self? Life being a page. How would we fill it? I know! Let’s turn it into a bill and run it through our state and national government. Our luck there’d be a filibuster. We’d still be sitting here staring at a blank page. Getting back to normal. It almost feels like a single drop of water in a coffee cup. Sure we could tip it upside down and rid the world of its presence. Or we could just let it sit there hoping it’ll soon dry. It probably won’t. Not with all of this southern humidity. The world is present. It never acts the same day twice. It might resemble the events already lived but ultimately through choice we make all things different. If we were to go back into a lockdown it wouldn’t be the same. Just as getting back to normal doesn’t feel like we assumed. Here it is! The blank page! A daily exercise that has a funny way of igniting the heart. Remember those Zoom moments with friends and family? Remember sitting outside and the highway sounds weren’t louder than nature? Remember when the only thing you had to do was to wash your hands and wear a mask? The page never felt empty. Yet as we gather in larger circles and move through invisible mountains the larger the blank page gets. I guess it’ll eventually become that look in your eye. You know the one. When someone comes up to you and asks if everything’s alright and you don’t know how to answer them. The blank page. For one year we got to feel what retirement is like. How will we live the rest of our life?