In this episode of The Observatory, James ‘Fish’ Gill joins the show to discuss building healthy relationships, letting go of projections, and owning our emotional experiences. Jame Gill is a heart coach, yoga teacher, and transformational facilitator based in Perth, Australia. He supports couples, businesses, and community groups to regrow trust, connection, and understanding. Hear the dangers of projection and why it’s easy to condemn others and not honor our experiences and emotions. James also talks about the condemn-condone polarity in the world, the importance of trusting your emotional experiences in building relationships, and the right way to express our emotions and open a healthy dialog.

Timestamps

[05:57] The habitual patterns of communication
[08:56] Projection: how to know we are projecting and its dangers 
[12:00] The idea of toxic people and red flags
[14:54] An example of how false our projections are 
[20:00] Letting go of the projection that a person is toxic and recognizing your experiences [24:21] The condemn-condone polarity in the world
[27:36] Why is it easy to condemn others and not honor our experiences and emotions? 
[34:51] The importance of trusting your emotional experiences in building relationships 
[43:41] Gendered emotional suppression that has emerged in James’ coaching
[46:00] The final barrier to owning our emotional experiences 
[52:56] The right way to express our emotions and open a healthy dialog 
[57:03] The indicators that we are in the conflict mode 
[01:00:00] What makes big emotions?
[01:06:00] Tips to resolve conflicts and create healthy conversations 

Notable Quotes: 

• “There is nothing wrong with what we long for and the unmet needs underneath. It’s just the strategy to meet them that needs to change.” - James Gill [07:74]
• “The inner experience is true and accurate. The outer projection is always false” - James Gill [14:47]
• “There is no healing in making someone the villain. The healing comes in recognizing the pain and having it attended to.” - James Gill [26:06]
• “Unless we trust our emotional experience, we will be deeply unfulfilled in our relationships.” - James Gill [34:51] 

Relevant links:

Website: https://www.leadbyheart.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/james_fish_gill/

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