July 23, 2001
Life after the rush
My ability is constantly attacked by failure, greed, and trust. Must a life be so rusted with pain to endure the opposite? Is that what fulfillment is? Will the horrible knowledge of knowing I created a child and don’t love it, bite me one day? How can ten minutes destroy a man’s life? No day passes that I don’t die a little more inside knowing how much I fucked up.

Through each tear colors grow—
in time there’ll be a rainbow.
A pot of gold,
a new river with muddied trails.
Call it a new born second chance.
The leaves shall dry,
the buildings will be torn to the ground,
and yet, the mountains will still be standing there.
Not all things change…until you move up close.