I'm relatively confident God gives each of us the ability to love more than one person. Those feelings aren't like the numbers on a calculator that we can delete and start over. It's more like a beautiful painting we hide away in the attic because there's no room left on the wall. It's still around, it's still breathtaking, but it's out of sight and ignored except for the reverberations of joy that endure.

Yesterday I was five years old, running from Margret on the playground in kindergarten at Cumberland Heights. Now I've graduated from high school, and I'm trying to figure out how to keep my life from becoming a waste. Restaurant work isn't something I want to make a career of, and I know that. It's hard to let go of, though, because it's been one of the few consistent ingredients in my existence. Well, restaurant and my feelings for a particular blonde-headed girl.

Our first and only date came and went quickly my junior year at MCHS. I've long forgotten the name of the movie we sat halfway through that Friday night, but some memories will stick with me until the day I die. I'm not even sure if the moon was full that evening or if the glow was from her smile when she looked up at me. I felt like I towered over Kelly in her little denim skirt while we stood against the Cutlass.

The view of the Cumberland River and the stars above failed miserably, attempting to capture my attention while that girl was in my arms. The ideal mixtape played just loud enough to cover the gentle hum of the car motor. Bon Jovi set the mood while we carelessly swayed, fitting together like two perfectly tiny puzzle pieces. We kissed, we talked, and then we kissed a bit more. None of our responsibilities, fears, or regrets mattered outside on that hill beneath the April sky in 1988.

Kelly never broke up with me because we were never officially a couple. She never wore my class ring or my jacket around campus to signify I was her boyfriend. Maybe I didn't act quickly enough or maybe what I had to offer wasn't what she desired. Within a few days of our first date, her best friend Jennifer, who worked with me, told me that Kelly had started dating another guy, and it was intense. Her news broke my heart that afternoon. I'm unsure of how many days I went without eating, but I can say that I never got over her.

That summer vacation was interesting. The moments I spent with my friends and the dates I went on did me some good. It was the first time I'd felt grown, I guess. Lynette the brunette and I sat in the back row during Young Guns and made out, and I stole a kiss from a pretty platinum blonde named Carol after meeting her at a summer picnic. I couldn't stop listening to Red Red Wine by UB40. My friends and I still managed to find time to strike out all season, cruising up and down Riverside, and they were the best times. My senior year was off to a terrific start, but Kelly never left my thoughts.

My friendship with Jennifer grew over the course of our first semester. By the time late fall hit, we were an official couple and spent every minute of each day together. Of course, this meant Kelly would also be in my life, and I was okay with that. Her tagging along when I'd take my girlfriend home after school wasn't even awkward. We'd cram in the front seat of the Cutlass I finally purchased from my brother and blast Ton Loc through the speakers. Jennifer and Kelly were two of my favorite people, and life was good.

After sliding a quarter into Rampage at the arcade one evening, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Kelly's boyfriend wanted to talk. He could have at least waited until after I finished knocking down all of the buildings before he broke my concentration.

"Oh, hey Lee," I said with a grin.

"Hey Chris, I wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings between the two of us. I know you went out with Kelly before I started dating her, and I want to make sure we're good."

"That's ancient history, man. I'm with Jennifer now, and none of that even matters anymore."

"That's great. I figured you were probably over it all by now. It's been months, and I know you've moved on. We should all go on a double date sometime when you're free."

My stomach knotted up, and I did all I could do to smile and push out, "That's cool, buddy, we'll figure something out soon."

He walked away from the conversation, and I sat there, misplaced for a few minutes before I headed out to my car. Surprisingly some lost feelings resurfaced and caught me off guard. Time with Kelly and her guy is not an experience I want to knock off my bucket list anytime soon. Don't get me wrong, he seems nice enough, and I don't despise him or anything. No, I don't hate him, but the big problem here is that I wish I were him. Oh boy.

After the ridiculous Rampage predicament, I calmed down, and things were back to normal in my heart. Kelly's love life managed to hit a few ups and downs. She broke up with Lee, which meant she was hanging with Jennifer and me more than ever. I wasn't happy the two of them broke it off. It was, however, comforting to know the dreaded double date was off the table.

1989 snuck up on us quickly, and the three of us decided to drive up to Paoli, Indiana, for a ski trip on January sixteenth with friends from work. We stopped to eat in French Lick, and it wasn't hard to tell that's Larry Bird's hometown. They probably had twenty photos of him in the diner where we ate for breakfast. I recall sitting there with those two far from home and thinking I was a lucky guy to have friends I adore. We headed to the slopes after our meal and enjoyed the day together. Even when I wasn't Kelly's boyfriend, she was always there.

It had been over a year since my first and the last date with Kelly. I can remember fantasizing about taking her to prom back in 88,' but it never happened. I passed on a few opportunities to even go that year because the pain was too much, and no girl I had a shot with compared to the one who got away. It turns out we ended up going together my senior year. Well, kind of anyway. Jennifer was my date, and Kelly brought some guy I'd never met. Kelly introduced us, but his name went in one ear and out the other.

We all met at Jennifer's house for pictures before prom. Both of the ladies were gorgeous; I felt lucky to at least be in the same room with them. The story that led me to that moment took plenty of twists and turns. For a few brief seconds, I allowed my mind to drift, taking me to an alternate universe where I was Kelly's date instead of what's-his-name. A pink bow tie would have looked good on me, especially with Kelly hanging from my arm. On May sixth, I traveled back to my reality and escorted my girlfriend of six months to my final high school dance.

Jennifer and I broke up not long after prom. I went through the typical month-long ordeal of feeling sorry for myself and swearing off relationships for good. She ended up getting engaged to a guy I work with, and that was that. They're getting married today, and I opted out of going to the wedding. Working with the two of them is awkward enough, so I'll be skipping the event. You'll never guess who popped back into my head. It's too bad she got back with Lee, but it's what she wants, so I'll survive.

I've been through a lot since graduation. We moved from the house I grew up in, and not a day goes by where I don't miss it. The song Captain Jack continuously reminds me that I should move out soon anyway, so I've been saving up. At least we have air conditioning now, so that is a plus. My buddy Mike moved off to Knoxville for college, but most of my pals are still around, so there is never a shortage of stuff to do.

Well, too much reminiscing can get to a man, so I guess I'll head on out for some racquetball. I'll give my friend Brett a call to see if he's free. As I reach for the phone, "RING." Crap! That scared me. I hope this isn't one of my mom's friends who'll keep her on the line for an hour.

"Hello," I say, ready to let Mom know she has a phone call.

"Chris, this is Kelly," is the sweetest sound I've heard in a long, long time. After a short pause waiting on my heart to start beating again, I respond, and the next chapter begins.