While social media enables us to make connections with more people than ever before, social isolation is a growing epidemic in the United States. The National Science Foundation reported in 2014 that the number of Americans with no close friends has tripled since 1985, and an unprecedented number of Americans are living alone, particularly people over sixty. Meanwhile, the youngest generations among us - Generation Z and Millennials - report being the loneliest despite their high consumption of social media. As it turns out, we can have hundreds of “friends” on social media without having any meaningful connections whatsoever.
This unhappy realization also hit Val Walker, author of 400 FRIENDS AND NO ONE TO CALL: Breaking Through Isolation and Building Community (a Central Recovery Press paperback, on sale March 26, 2020), when she found herself stranded after a major surgery. A well-established rehabilitation counselor, she was too embarrassed to reveal on social media how utterly isolated she was by asking for someone to help. As she recovered, Val found her voice and developed a plan of action for those seeking to heal from the pain of isolation and created a solid strategy for rebuilding support.
Drawing on both her own experience as well as the accounts of others who overcame their own isolating ordeals, Walker encourages us to break through our isolation and build community by:
Finding one empathetic person to talk to. Openly admitting to a comforting person (a friend, a therapist, or even a compassionate voice on a warmline) that we are lonely is a vital step to breaking out of the shame and social stigma of loneliness.
Seeking meetups or support groups with those in similar situations. What isolates us can also become the force that unites us. Whether we are contending with social anxiety, loss of a loved one, illnesses, addictions, divorce, or any number of isolating issues, Meetup.com, www.211.org, and other platforms often feature groups for others grappling with similar issues.
Staying open-minded and not too fixated on who fits our “tribe.” It is often surprising who welcomes us into their world when we aren’t trying so hard to find the “right” group to belong to.
Offering our help to others. Ironically, we gather support by giving support. This is why volunteering is a solid way to build social networks.
Persevering and not taking rejection personally. Many people might not be interested in developing a new friendship or maybe they have put their social lives on the backburner. Don’t give up! With persistence, we will find others who are looking to expand their networks, as well.
Encouraging us to befriend our loneliness and validate our need to search for more support, Walker compassionately yet realistically shows us how to build our networks with more meaningful connections. An essential read for anyone who has ever felt lonely in a crowd or isolated in their unique circumstances, 400 FRIENDS AND NO ONE TO CALL will inspire even the loneliest among us to seek more fulfilling relationships.