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Need a break from all the blah, blah, blah, about politics, sports, and religion? Smarty Pants Lance is for people who'd like well-crafted, observational humor. People who know laughter is...
show more
Need a break from all the blah, blah, blah, about politics, sports, and religion?
Smarty Pants Lance is for people who'd like well-crafted, observational humor. People who know laughter is the best medicine!
In each fast, funny, fifteen minute episode, Lance, a long-time criminal and civil trial lawyer- hold your applause- shares his unique point of view inspired by all manner of everyday, and not so everyday, topics.
Topics include, but are not limited to- who else but an attorney would use such a phrase- cat people versus dog people, college days, being an actor extra in a movie, commercial or TV show, personal styles, cheapskates, slobs versus neatniks, dating apps, things people say but don't mean, weekends, flakes, medical doctors, a-holes, airlines. looks, getting locked out, membership warehouse stores
You're invited to take a quick break, and enjoy a laugh, as Smarty Pants Lance weaves stories and descriptions containing a happy mixture of quirky experiences, nostalgia, pop-culture, history, topical humor, sarcasm, satire, celebrity impressions, and character voices.
New episodes Mondays and Thursdays at 8:00 am EST.
WARNING: Listening to Smarty Pants Lance may result in a laugh riot and you might just learn something.
show less
Smarty Pants Lance is for people who'd like well-crafted, observational humor. People who know laughter is the best medicine!
In each fast, funny, fifteen minute episode, Lance, a long-time criminal and civil trial lawyer- hold your applause- shares his unique point of view inspired by all manner of everyday, and not so everyday, topics.
Topics include, but are not limited to- who else but an attorney would use such a phrase- cat people versus dog people, college days, being an actor extra in a movie, commercial or TV show, personal styles, cheapskates, slobs versus neatniks, dating apps, things people say but don't mean, weekends, flakes, medical doctors, a-holes, airlines. looks, getting locked out, membership warehouse stores
You're invited to take a quick break, and enjoy a laugh, as Smarty Pants Lance weaves stories and descriptions containing a happy mixture of quirky experiences, nostalgia, pop-culture, history, topical humor, sarcasm, satire, celebrity impressions, and character voices.
New episodes Mondays and Thursdays at 8:00 am EST.
WARNING: Listening to Smarty Pants Lance may result in a laugh riot and you might just learn something.
Episodes & Posts
Episodes
Posts
4 FEB 2023 · Lance talks about today's pop and country music and why it sucks.
He opines it's a filtering issue. There's just no filter on what flushes down the internet stream.
There used to be record companies and radio and TV programmers standing guard. Though, all of them must have been asleep at the switch with Disco Duck, Muskrat Love, et al. Et al. is a legal term - Google it!
If anyone, and he means anyone, can record at home, and dump their cough, cough, "craft" onto the net there's no one to say, Hell no. Not on my watch or with my ears. I.e. no filter
Enjoy a not in stereo semi-rant.
Maybe, Lance needs a filter, too.
27 JAN 2023 · Lance teases about clickbait, air-headed celebrity endorsements, how sex sells- well, duh- and why he keeps getting click bait on Meta- which he still calls Face Book- about a photo of side boob of some model he's never heard of nor cares about.
Are jingles superior sales tools compared to celeb endorsements? Is Lance permanently programmed by soda jingles from his childhood? What about a celeb who just happened to wear an article of clothing or jewelry and suddenly fans are crazed to get it?
Lance also uses words you just don't don't hear. But that's just who he is.
Have you been baited?
Click on the episode and feel your funny bone teased with another rip-roaring, celebrity endorsed, fun AF, episode. (I'm the alleged "celebrity).
20 JAN 2023 · Lance talks about employment interviews. He begins by telling us about work he did as a kid and for which he didn't apply. This work is known as, "chores." With marketing know-how, Lance suggests a new name for chores: "Blessings." "Hey, son, I've a few blessings for you to give the family. You may start by cleaning the toilet."
Moving in to job interviews- often these days via Zoom- he describes the process, beginning with recruiters. You might think military recruiters are slithery sorts. That is, until you're under world-wide attack from headhunters who saw your resume or Curriculum Vitae- if you're being fancy- you innocently posted on a job site.
From overseas recruiters with unpronounceable names- that sound like hacking an spitting- to phony friendly, commission seeking, self servers, he's encountered them all.
And then, there are the interviewers. There's plenty to say about them.
Enjoy the episode. It won't be a chore.
14 JAN 2023 · Lance builds a better mousetrap thinking that'll lead to great success. It's what he heard during his growin' up years.
Did building a better mousetrap help him get ahead in a government job? Hah, no. What about when he built a better one for private employers? PFFFHAHAHA, norious.
Where did Lance go wrong? Has he learned a lesson? What are the meanings of megalomaniacal and vainglorious and how do they apply to his episode?
Take a listen to find out their meanings and much more.
6 JAN 2023 · Lance describes how his plans for not just a little, but a lot, of "somthin' somethin" turned into nothin' nothin over a four day weekend.
There was always some darned excuse: too tired from the week, too bloated and gassy after that outrageously expensive dinner, drank too much, again, and the, "Let's just watch one more Hallmark movie and I'll be ready, which leads to watching yet another Hallmark Movie, and another, until coma.
Lance learns the valuable lesson, real romance is free. If someone really wants you, you don't have to spend money or put on a costly production.
True love and a little somethin' somethin' should be exactly like the ending of a Hallmark Movie. Right?
17 DEC 2022 · With nine days before Christmas, Lance starts thinking about Christmas adult beverages.
This gets him thinking about adult beverages, in general. He's a nauseous, no on, "The Nog," and not a connoisseur of wines- reds taste like Dr. Pepper, grapes, and alcohol, while, whites only taste like just grapes and alcohol.
He reflects on his college days, "Great Drinking Contest" and how he put into action a prank involving Tequila and Lavoris mouthwash.. He reveals, he does not have an addictive personality- except possibly for Whoppers- and what would happen should he engage in a malted milk ball eating contest with Oprah Winfrey.
Here's an episode you can drink to. Yes, I ended a sentence with a preposition.
9 DEC 2022 · Lance talks about Uber-- Uber annoying people (person) he got stuck behind at a booth selling luxury cookies at a local street fair.
He gets triggered by a woman holding others up at his favorite cookie stand by asking one stupid question after another. She wastes everybody's time and then she doesn't buy anything.
Haven't we all all encountered these people from time to time?
Serenity now-- and a cookie later!
24 MAR 2022 · Smarty Pants Lance takes you into the kitchen to share some of how movie are made. Ol' Smarty is from the south, don't ya know, and he comes a callin' to see where a co-worker is at.
His scene features a petite albino and her giant raven-haired sister. Why didn't he just call ahead?
Lance shares a famous Orson Welles, quote, "A poet needs a pen, a painter a brush, a director an army. Yes a director does need an army and you hear examples, why.
So, pop a brew, and kick off your shoes. "Set" uh spell on the cement porch, as Lance describes his seven line scene which took half a work day to shoot. Please pass the popcorn.
11 MAR 2022 · Smarty Pants Lance was and is a licensed attorney at law in California. A large part of his legal practice was criminal defense. Beaver Clever sez: No foolin'!
In this episode, Lance describes quirky courtroom antics, the difference between infractions, misdemeanors, and felonies, police prostitution sting operations, and his opinion that it's a true crime not to show, Mel Brooks's classic movie, "Blazing Saddles." An honorable mention goes to another, Mel Brooks classic, "The Producers."
If you're fishing for fun, or how to spot a police decoy, Lance turns in an episode which goes rapidly from plain to penal!
3 MAR 2022 · Smarty Pants Lance, inspired by the Foreigner song, "Feels Like The First Time," questions whether the first time the best time?
Introduced by The Duke himself, John Wayne, Lance tells the tale of his first three times, or attempts which included, among other things, a Pith Helmut a la 1930's-40's jungle movies, a creaking bed, stubbed toes, not one, but two, count 'em, two condoms at the same time, parents on the other side of the wall. three white, toy poodles with anxiety disorders, a gay man's bed in a Roman style bedroom festooned with velvet paintings of leather clad, bare-chested men wearing sunglasses and a mirror on the ceiling, and later, having to wait a whole week due to "God's little gift."
Is Lance full of swamp gas, or did he make it through a jungle of nerves to discover a long sought treasure?
Need a break from all the blah, blah, blah, about politics, sports, and religion? Smarty Pants Lance is for people who'd like well-crafted, observational humor. People who know laughter is...
show more
Need a break from all the blah, blah, blah, about politics, sports, and religion?
Smarty Pants Lance is for people who'd like well-crafted, observational humor. People who know laughter is the best medicine!
In each fast, funny, fifteen minute episode, Lance, a long-time criminal and civil trial lawyer- hold your applause- shares his unique point of view inspired by all manner of everyday, and not so everyday, topics.
Topics include, but are not limited to- who else but an attorney would use such a phrase- cat people versus dog people, college days, being an actor extra in a movie, commercial or TV show, personal styles, cheapskates, slobs versus neatniks, dating apps, things people say but don't mean, weekends, flakes, medical doctors, a-holes, airlines. looks, getting locked out, membership warehouse stores
You're invited to take a quick break, and enjoy a laugh, as Smarty Pants Lance weaves stories and descriptions containing a happy mixture of quirky experiences, nostalgia, pop-culture, history, topical humor, sarcasm, satire, celebrity impressions, and character voices.
New episodes Mondays and Thursdays at 8:00 am EST.
WARNING: Listening to Smarty Pants Lance may result in a laugh riot and you might just learn something.
show less
Smarty Pants Lance is for people who'd like well-crafted, observational humor. People who know laughter is the best medicine!
In each fast, funny, fifteen minute episode, Lance, a long-time criminal and civil trial lawyer- hold your applause- shares his unique point of view inspired by all manner of everyday, and not so everyday, topics.
Topics include, but are not limited to- who else but an attorney would use such a phrase- cat people versus dog people, college days, being an actor extra in a movie, commercial or TV show, personal styles, cheapskates, slobs versus neatniks, dating apps, things people say but don't mean, weekends, flakes, medical doctors, a-holes, airlines. looks, getting locked out, membership warehouse stores
You're invited to take a quick break, and enjoy a laugh, as Smarty Pants Lance weaves stories and descriptions containing a happy mixture of quirky experiences, nostalgia, pop-culture, history, topical humor, sarcasm, satire, celebrity impressions, and character voices.
New episodes Mondays and Thursdays at 8:00 am EST.
WARNING: Listening to Smarty Pants Lance may result in a laugh riot and you might just learn something.
Information
| Author | SmartyPantsLance |
| Organization | SmartyPantsLance |
| Categories | Stand-Up |
| Website | - |
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